Why I play

While I admit I have an extremely vague and entirely unrealistic fantasy of actually being a poker pro, I'm grounded enough to realize that isn't very likely to happen. I'm playing basically break-even poker, and as I don't have the time to devote to improving my game immediately, I will continue to do my best and work steadily to improve. I think a more realistic short-term goal would be to become an overall winning player, but it seems unlikely I will become a winning player at large enough levels to allow me to quit my day job any time soon.

I did, however, experience a hand this weekend that really clarified why I enjoy this game so much, and why I'll continue to play (even at break even levels) for the foreseeable future. It helps, of course, that I was holding the absolute nuts. Deep stack tournament, $5000 in chips to start and 30 minutes levels, and I'm sitting on an average stack (around 35000) with the blinds at 400/800 (75 antes), I believe. I get to see the flop for free in the big blind holding Q/9d. Five players see the flop, which includes the 8 and 10 of diamonds. The betting on the flop and the turn give me more than enough odds to chase both the flush and gut shot straight draws. The Jack of diamonds on the river gave me the straight flush (my first in online tournament play), and when I pushed, hoping my only remaining opponent would read it for desperation or that he was holding the Ace high flush, I was literally ecstatic when he called and I doubled up (holding the 7/8 of diamonds, incidentally, for a much weaker flush even had the final diamond to hit not been the Jack).

That single hand, with all of the various decisions (do I bet my draw in early position? Smooth call or raise? Check raise the river? Raise or push when he bet?) and knowing with absolute certainty that I had the best hand was such a high. I understand how people can become addicted to the thrill of the win. Thank heavens this was an online tournament, because my hands were shaking for 10 minutes afterwards.

I play because winning is that much fun. I play because poker combines the intellectual prowess of numbers manipulation with psychology and the endorphin rush of danger, triumph and defeat. I play because that feeling is better than the lows of getting pocket rockets cracked by your opponent holding cowboys when one of his two outs hits the river (which also happened this weekend).

Knowing that part of why I play is for the joy of the win should motivate me to play better poker, the more consistently with which to win and experience that feeling, right? If I can just use this memory during those times I'm feeling discouraged after another bad beat or bad play, I might be able to survive the emotional component of this game.

Good luck, and I'll see you at the tables.

SGT RJ