So what did I learn/accomplish over the summer? I'm beginning to see more nuanced post flop play out of myself - finding good spots to float the flop and take the pot away on later streets, times to call with medium strength hands, stuff like that. I still make some comically bad reads/plays at times, but overall I think my play continues to improve.
I've also been playing a ton more MTTs. This is mostly because I just enjoy them more, although why is beyond me. They are much rougher on the bankroll, and the amount of astonishingly bad beats piles seem endless, making deep runs difficult. But by the same token, I have been making deep runs with much greater frequency, so I think I'm doing something write, although I'd be lying if I said I was 100% sure what that something was. Trying to think things through more often, trying to play my opponents holding more than my own.
At any rate, yesterday I had my best finish to date: 5th place in a 5.50 2R1A (I've added some rebuy tourneys to my plate, although I prefer the capped rebuy tourneys much more, except for the 3R which is just fun if you approach it the right way) for about $640. A much needed boost to my bankroll to be sure, which had suffered a particularly brutal weekend a few weeks back where I dropped over 50 buyins in a two day period. I'm almost back to even. My mom would be so proud of me.
But all of this rather begs the question - what exactly am I doing with this poker thing here? I used to say, back in college, that if I could do anything, if money was no object, I would write for a living. Now, I would add "play poker" to that. If I could somehow get to the level where I was successful enough at poker to make a comfortable living off of it, I would do it in a second, and write about it as well. So what are the things holding me back from this? If I truly think I could be happy in that life, what's stopping me?
One, I'm just not that good at poker yet. I'm getting better, I don't think there's much doubt about that, but I'm far from good enough to make a living off of it, and it doesn't help that I've been sinking most of my efforts into MTTs rather than cash or SNGs, which produce more consistent results.
Two, I'm chronically lazy. I mean, the only thing that prevents me from writing, about poker or anything else, is a lack of effort. I sit at a computer for literally hours during the day, at work and at home, and how often do I do some creative writing? Close to never. Why not? If I would like that life, what stops me from pursuing it? Fear, I think (and for what it's worth, I think that may be a component holding me back in poker as well). Fear of failure. Fear of being poor and broke and miserable. Ultimately, I just don't think I'm that special, that I could get the world to read my stuff and pay me for the privilege. But how do I know if I don't try?
Enough rambling out of me. I'm done with poker for the evening (a couple of cashes and spectacular blowups/bad beats, including AK losing to J8 with both the A and K on the board, AQ < QJ AIPF, and 99 < A7o AIPF), so I'm going to spend some time with the boyfriend and clean my apartment, which looks like hobos have been squatting her for the past month. I'm going to try to post more frequently, especially as I (hopefully) continue to learn and improve my poker game.
Until next time, good luck to all and I'll see you at the tables.
SGT RJ
