Discouraged

I haven't posted in a while. I'm not entirely sure why - I've been playing every weekend, I've got a coach now, I'm seeing improvements in my play. Laziness plays a role, I'm sure.

But lately I've been getting very discouraged. The chasm between where I'd like to be and where I am in terms of my play and results is still very wide. I'm not sure if I'm being completely unrealistic in my expectations; I've only been playing online just over a year and a half, and usually only on weekends, so I've playing roughly 1500-1600 tournaments. That's not very many, really.

Still, I keep getting so close, and yet not close enough. I'm not aggressive enough with a big stack deep; I'm not aggressive enough with a medium stack trying to build up. I still play with fear, which is absolutely retarded. I don't like the results I'm getting (far too many min cashes, or larger min cashes), so why do I keep playing the same way - too tight?

I'm playing in a small (ha ha! It's a 1K buy in!) WSOP event in June. Ironically, although I'm sure I'll be nervous when I get there, I'm relatively confident in my live play since a) my only four figure cash is in live play and b) due to my online experience, I'm usually not the nittiest player at the table live. But I really have no right to be confident. As one of my poker friends pointed out, I really still suck.

I don't want to suck. I love playing poker. I want to get better, and I am trying. I have a coach, I study hand histories, I'm reading another book. When am I going to see the results I want to see?